Yesterday, I realized that I’ve been re-watching FRIENDS again for the past two weeks (see short info below), and I usually watch it whenever I needed cheering up. I wasn’t too sure of why I needed to cheer up though… It’s just this weird bothering feeling in the background. Of course, I ignored it, thinking that I was just being a drama queen and that everything was okay.
Then today, somehow, it was just there. The sadness. I couldn’t shake it off, even with FRIENDS on all day (thanks, iflix!) I don’t drink (the taste of alcohol really doesn’t agree with me), so I usually eat my sorrows away (hence, US size 18/20). But I’m trying to get back to eating healthy, so I can’t emotio-eat. Especially not after the TWO DINNERS we had last night, because my brother was in a crappy mood and he wanted to drink (but again, I don’t, so I ate instead).
So now I’m left with… hunger and the blues. (Wait, this sounds like a good name for a band.) It’s just weird. I mean, a couple of weeks ago, I woke up to a wonderful Monday morning when everything felt right and the future looked bright. Then, just a week later, things started getting murky again and I’m back to not knowing what the heck I’m doing with my life. I really thought that this feeling would go away when I graduated from my mid-twenties, but no. I’m about to be as old as the last day (sometimes 2nd to the last) of every month, and I still feel like I’m grasping at air.
And then I checked the results of a contest I entered – to be a travel intern for a blog – hoping that it could at least help my mood if I were picked as a finalist… but yeah, I didn’t, because other entries had 600-800-1,000 likes, and I, even with the help of my mom, my brother, and a student, only got 70+, which is only about 10% of my FB friends. Maybe even less, because some of the likes were from people I don’t know.
But maybe that’s because my entry sucked. Period.
And it’s worse ‘coz I can’t eat the bad mood away!
Oh but what the heck. I’ll have ice cream after writing this. Oh, and I have the new Running Man episode to watch!!! Yay!
Anyway, moments ago, when I was a millimeter away from tears, I opened my Bible app to gather strength from God. I must be feeling helpless again because I’ve been relying on my own abilities to fix whatever’s wrong. I’m really sorry about that. I again slid down from the victorious standpoint, and am allowing myself to be dissuaded by the enemy. When I opened my app, I saw this photo verse I made that Monday when everything felt right:
It’s a timely reminder for me to always lift everything up to God – my worries, doubts, insecurities, even my triumphs and joys, because everything is from Him and for Him. I can’t get out of this slump, but He can get me out of it. I’m guilty of lacking prayer and petition. Really, what I need right now is God’s peace to settle in my heart, and I just know that tomorrow when I wake up, everything will make sense again.
Background Info on FRIENDS
I first started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on my freshman year in university. It was a tough first semester and I believe I had mild depression then – I slept the days away and dreaded going to school. New people scared the heck outta me. I’m an introvert, you see.
Anyway, FRIENDS has already ended that time, but I just couldn’t understand it when I was younger. But when I caught a rerun on TV freshman year, somehow, it clicked, and that’s how this TV show became a sort of “comfort food” for me. I watched it to help me get through the tough adjustment year. I even recommended it to my big brother, and we’d watch it whenever we hung out. Happy, sad, hungry, bored – we watched FRIENDS during all these, but mostly when we needed cheering up.